To even suggest that it might be beneficial to consider gratitude during the traumatic pain of betrayal might seem utterly ridiculous, but that's exactly what Stephen tried to do.

Last weekend, a clicked on a documentary that showed up on recommended watch list, expecting to be inspired by a story of one man's triumph over adversity. Charged: The Eduardo Garcia Story.

Charged was that, but so much more. It was also a story of infidelity, of family wounds, of the purpose of our lives. The documentary can be rented using most services, but is currently streaming for free on Amazon Prime Video if you happen to have an Amazon Prime account.

In my work with men and women who have had affairs and are confused about what it means to live a meaningful and fulfilling life, we often discuss the difference between lives motivated by doing (meeting expectations, satisfying others, doing the right thing) or getting (attaining outward goals, achievements, satisfaction) and why those legitimate motives should be secondary to a focus of being (the story we tell with our live, who we are and who we are becoming).

If you had an affair in your past, I would recommend watching this documentary. The traumatic event in Eduardo's life can be seen as a dividing point in his life experience. Think about this division as the Eduardo Before and the Eduardo After. Some things will remain constant in the before and after; some things will change. After you watch the video, consider these questions:

• How did Eduardo Before experience intimacy/relationships? How did Eduardo After experience them?
• What effect did his relationship with his father have on Eduardo Before? What effect did it have on Eduardo After?
• Eduardo After had an immediate goal to "get back to life" with a sense of getting back to as much of Eduardo Before as possible. The goal seems to shift. Near the end of the video, he defines his goal in a different way. How did his focus change? What became most important to him?
• What lessons from Eduardo's story apply to your own version of You Before and You After?

After reading my earlier post, But My Affair Is Different, I talked to a woman whose husband continued to describe his past affair as a special loving relationship. This conversation occurred during a recent Open Care Q&A session. Listen to the entire conversation using the player below. Here's how the conversation started:

Caller: Your latest article, But My Affair Is Different, resonated with me. That's what my husband has said about his affair. He's recommitted to the marriage and cut off contact with the affair partner, yet he still says, "It was real love. It was something different. Mine was special..." Does that ever go away? Because it hurts me to hear him say that.