Affair healing Blog
Those of you who follow us know that Sharon and I have been in transition as we close our offices in central Florida to move to Carmel, Indiana. The move has begun!
While Sharon finalizes the move from our Florida home, I've already moved north to open the office and search for our new home in the Midwest. Sharon will eventually be joining me at the Renewal Counseling offices to build a new local practice.
Nothing really changes in regard to the personal coaching services (video/phone) that we offer, but our Marriage ICU Retreats for couples will now be held in this north-Indianapolis area. We hope that this central location might be more easily accessible for couples in need of intensive care.
The past six months have been a challenge as we've worked to close an office and join a new practice, sell a home and look for a new one, become licensed counselors in a new state, and care for parents with significant health needs. The transition isn't over, but we're closer to the end of the tunnel.
Thank you to those of you have have encouraged us along the way. We remain passionate about helping people find healing from the wounds of infidelity. Sharon and I will continue to be personally involved with our clients and look forward to helping in any way we can.
As we're able to turn our focus again to creating new content, we will be producing new podcasts, courses, along with other resources. For up-to-date information, sign up for our mailing list. (We don't send spam!)
This article is a guest post from blogger and neuroscientist “Dr L”, who writes about limerence, purposeful living and the psychology of infatuation at livingwithlimerence.com.
Affair fog. The mysterious mind-altering cloud that seems to descend on people caught up in affairs. It's an apt term, because it captures the idea that the cheater is no longer seeing the world clearly, that they've lost their old sense of direction, that they are now wandering around in a dreamy haze, heedless to the world around them. Peering through the fog the only thing they seem to see clearly is their affair partner - who stands out as a dazzling source of light and wonder. Their spouse, when they notice them at all, is a dull obstacle that stands in their way. They may even look backwards, and rewrite the history of their marriage from this new perspective - emphasizing all the negative experiences and unhappy memories, and downplaying the joys and love.
So, what's going on? Have they lost their mind? Have they really fallen under the bewitching spell of their affair partner? Why can't they see what is so obvious to everyone around them: that they are an everyday cheater making a fool of themselves, and harming the people that love them?
As a neuroscientist, I tend to look at this from the perspective that such large-scale changes in mood, perception, and behavior must have their origins in the brain. So, the answer to the puzzle of affair fog lies in figuring out what's going on in our heads.
This article was written and posted in our Community Forum by user"Stillme."
It is always frustrating when people say the equivalent of, "If you won't give it 100%, why stay?" That assumes that some decisions are not rational and that life is simply 100% or 0%. I live in the real world, and the real world is filled with compromise.
I'll give an example:
I completely dislike strawberry ice cream.
Vanilla ice cream is okay, just okay.
I like chocolate ice cream.
I absolutely LOVE salted caramel ice cream.
I talk to clients nearly every day, helping most of them work through choices and changes that affect their marriage or relationship. When I first meet a new couple, I usually don't know their full story. There is a lot to find out, but I typically start by assessing the overall stability of the marriage by finding the answer to three questions:
These six predictors are not guarantees. They are indicators that tend to be present in couples who, on the other side of infidelity, rediscover a satisfying and intimate relationship with each other. How many are present in your marriage?
Unless otherwise noted, articles are written by Tim Tedder, a licensed counselor and creator of this site and its resources. Twitter: @TimTedder