"​...I know I was never going to be the person that convinced him to come back to our marriage. He has to make that choice on his own. But is physical separation with practically no communication really better? Am I just questioning this because I know he could choose to leave for good and I just can't let go completely? I don't even know what we should talk about that wouldn't defeat the purpose of the separation in the first place. But I also don't want to discourage communication that should be happening. I'm just not feeling confident about what is and isn't the right communication for this situation..."
posted by lost_and_broken

I always stated I would never stay if my husband cheated on me. I would never be that kind of doormat. My self-respect and self-worth would never survive...

Now I am faced with a decision that is killing me. What am I saying to myself and to him if I stay. One moment I feel like I can do it and the next like I will be surrendering the last shreds of me and forever see myself as a doormat.

...I have opted, although slightly apprehensively, on an open door policy that he can visit whenever he likes so the children can see him as much as possible. I say apprehensively as while both I and the children enjoy seeing him I can not help but think there must be consequences from me as a result of his actions and one consequence may be the inability to just 'pop in' whenever it is convenient for him. 

​To be honest my wayward spouse is still one of my best friends who I can talk with quite freely (except on any thoughts I have about his behaviour as that only causes tension and he knows my stance in any case) and I generally enjoy his visits and the opportunity to chat but I would dearly love to see his attitude towards our relationship change and for our marriage to be his priority. Am I setting myself up for failure in this regard though by being too forgiving with my actions and allowing him open access to my home? By placing more restrictions on his ability to see our children I feel I would be doing so as a punishment for him...