Affair Healing Blog

3 Steps Toward Reducing Your Affair Conversations

2/7/2018

One complaint I frequently hear from people who had an affair sounds something like this: “My spouse won’t quit talking about it. I’m trying to be patient, but it’s getting to the point that I dread coming home because I know another list of questions will be waiting. They’re not even new questions; we talk about the same thing over and over again.”

I encourage betrayed partners to take control of their affair conversations by following the following three steps.

Evidence of a True Affair Confession

9/24/2017

Jacob sits at one end of the counseling couch, downcast, head in his hands, elbows on his knees. His gaze finally lifts from the space between his feet to settle on his wife, Cara, curled up in a tight ball at the other end of the couch. "How am I supposed to believe you?" he asks.

She hesitates, obviously frustrated with her inability to convince her husband. "Whether you believe me or not, I'm telling you the truth."

"You told me that before and I found out you were still lying. This whole affair was about making me believe one thing while you were doing something else. So how how can I believe you're being honest now?"

Cara remains silent. Jacob shakes his head, then turns to me as I sit in witness of their struggle. "Do you think I should trust her?" he asks, somehow hoping my counselor's insight will provide him with assurance one way or the other.

The Difficulty of Asking Affair Questions

4/3/2017

Every week, I sit with couples trying to find their way through the devastation of infidelity in search of safety and stability in their marriage. The wounded partner, caught in the confusion of the trauma, desperately wants clarity. And so the questions begin.

Here's how one of our Community Forum members described the experience: