Affair Healing Blog

3 Steps Toward Reducing Your Affair Conversations

2/7/2018

One complaint I frequently hear from people who had an affair sounds something like this: “My spouse won’t quit talking about it. I’m trying to be patient, but it’s getting to the point that I dread coming home because I know another list of questions will be waiting. They’re not even new questions; we talk about the same thing over and over again.”

I encourage betrayed partners to take control of their affair conversations by following the following three steps.

Why "Sorry" Isn't Enough.

8/15/2017

Photo Credit: alexismcafeephotography

Most of us learn early on that forgiveness is a necessary component of a healthy relationship. I can't tell you how many times my mother directed me to "Tell your sister you're sorry."

But why don't apologies always work? Why do offended people sometimes remain unsatisfied when an apology has been offered? Why are the words "I said I'm sorry. What more do you want?!" so familiar?

Because motive makes all the difference. An apology remains impotent when it is offered for the wrong reason, even if it's filled with all the right words.

The Difficulty of Asking Affair Questions

4/3/2017

Every week, I sit with couples trying to find their way through the devastation of infidelity in search of safety and stability in their marriage. The wounded partner, caught in the confusion of the trauma, desperately wants clarity. And so the questions begin.

Here's how one of our Community Forum members described the experience:

What to Communicate During Separation

2/4/2017

The following comment was posted in our Community Forum:

"...I know I was never going to be the person that convinced him to come back to our marriage. He has to make that choice on his own. But is physical separation with practically no communication really better? Am I just questioning this because I know he could choose to leave for good and I just can't let go completely? I don't even know what we should talk about that wouldn't defeat the purpose of the separation in the first place. But I also don't want to discourage communication that should be happening. I'm just not feeling confident about what is and isn't the right communication for this situation..."
posted by lost_and_broken