The Difficulty of Asking Affair Questions

Every week, I sit with couples trying to find their way through the devastation of infidelity in search of safety and stability in their marriage. The wounded partner, caught in the confusion of the trauma, desperately wants clarity. And so the questions begin.

Here's how one of our Community Forum members described the experience:

At times I may have a question for my husband and while he has not withheld any information or refused to answer any questions... he wants me to help him understand why I feel the need to ask. How will it help me? What do I hope to gain?

All I want to do is have him give me a response rather than question my reason for asking. Is that unreasonable? I know the repeat questions can be frustrating for anyone, but it is at the forefront of my mind every single day and I really don't want to have to rationalize why I am asking each and every time. 

Questions are necessary. So are honest answers. But many couples find themselves in a communication struggle that leads to conflict or relationship shut-down. The more they repeat this pattern, the more likely they will end up in a tension cycle where frustration grows and hope diminishes.

Each partner has a part to play if they want to have conversations that lead to healing. Sharon and I talked about what each partner can do, individually and together, to improve the Q&A dynamic in their relationship. To help you take the next step forward, listen to our conversation and download the guide.