Affair healing Blog
This article was written and posted in our Community Forum by user"Stillme."
It is always frustrating when people say the equivalent of, "If you won't give it 100%, why stay?" That assumes that some decisions are not rational and that life is simply 100% or 0%. I live in the real world, and the real world is filled with compromise.
I'll give an example:
I completely dislike strawberry ice cream.
Vanilla ice cream is okay, just okay.
I like chocolate ice cream.
I absolutely LOVE salted caramel ice cream.
I talk to clients nearly every day, helping most of them work through choices and changes that affect their marriage or relationship. When I first meet a new couple, I usually don't know their full story. There is a lot to find out, but I typically start by assessing the overall stability of the marriage by finding the answer to three questions:
These six predictors are not guarantees. They are indicators that tend to be present in couples who, on the other side of infidelity, rediscover a satisfying and intimate relationship with each other. How many are present in your marriage?
John Gottman is a leading relationship author and researcher. His Card Decks, previously available for purchase in actual decks of game-like cards, are now available for free from the Apple and Google app stores. Search for "Gottman Card Decks" in your app store.
Helen Tower is one of the people I follow on Twitter and am often encouraged by what she writes. Recently, she posted a letter she wrote to her "ex-unfaithful" husband. She gave permission to post it here, too. You can read the entire post on her Sailing Through Infidelity blog.
Dear ex-unfaithful husband,
I want to thank you for sticking with me during the trying times after I discovered your affair. I am so happy this is now in the past.
We went through periods during which I was willing to hurt myself just to hurt you, in a desperate attempt to soothe my pain. You never lost focus on your commitment to do whatever it took to save our marriage.
Unless otherwise noted, articles are written by Tim Tedder, a licensed counselor and creator of this site and its resources. Twitter: @TimTedder