I talk to clients nearly every day, helping most of them work through choices and changes that affect their marriage or relationship. When I first meet a new couple, I usually don't know their full story. There is a lot to find out, but I typically start by assessing the overall stability of the marriage by finding the answer to three questions:

1. How secure is the foundation (trust)?
2. Do the spouses share a common vision for the future of their relationship?
3. Is each partner effectively contributing to the effort necessary to build a marriage that is stable and mutually satisfying?

John Gottman is a leading relationship author and researcher. His Card Decks, previously available for purchase in actual decks of game-like cards, are now available for free from the Apple and Google app stores. Search for "Gottman Card Decks" in your app store.

​We usually expect our marriage to last a lifetime. What starts with promises of faithfulness and endurance, we believe, will survive any challenge "for better or for worse." Most marriages do; some even thrive. But many die in ways never anticipated.

​When the death of a marriage is a mutual choice between two partners, grieving its loss may be a short-term process. The decision to end their relationship often follows a period of prolonged suffering, making divorce feel like relief. Similar to a funeral, partners make the appropriate arrangements, pay their final respects, bury the marriage, and move on with their lives.

But a marriage killed by betrayal is not so easily mourned.