Affair healing Blog
This website has been offering a growing catalog of online resources since 2009, but very little has been added during the past 5 months. What's going on? Let me explain...
If you were a regular listener to our podcasts, you may remember an update that Sharon and I sent out last summer explaining that we were moving from Florida to Indiana at the end of the summer to be closer to family. We expected the actual move to take about a month.
Things don't always go as planned.
We began closing our central Florida counseling office and put our home up for sale. Everything seemed on track in August when I drove up to Indiana with a carload of clothes, personal items, and equipment to begin establishing our offices at Renewal counseling and looking for a new home. Sharon remained in Florida to complete her final office appointments and work with the realtor to finalize the house sale.
If you want to hear us talk about what happened next, listen to our January 2020 podcast update, but here is a summary of the details:
Sharon finally drove to Indiana in December... the first time she'd seen our new home and the first time we'd been together since August.
So, that's why we put everything else "on hold" for a while. But we're back on track now!
Watch for new podcasts, courses, an articles coming soon. If you want to stay informed, make sure to sign up for our email updates.
"I'm ready to give up this hurt..."
A few nights ago, I came across another documentary that relates to affair healing issues. In her self-filmed documentary, A Way to Forgiveness, Erin takes a 550-mile pilgrimage across northern Spain in an attempt to find healing from the hurt of her impending divorce.
Here's what she says in the beginning of the film as she prepares for the trip: "I'm ready to stop crying every day. I'm ready to not collapse as I walk through the house. I just fall to the ground and sob from the pain. I'm ready to give up this hurt. I'm ready to, hopefully, find find a way to forgive the person who I trusted the most and ended up betraying me. I'm ready to pack my bags and just walk. I'm ready."
It is a story of pain, grief, confusion. It is one woman's spiritual journey (Erin's Catholic faith is important to her), although I'd recommend it to anyone who has been betrayed even if they do not share her faith. It is one person's search for healing and forgiveness. Some of the things she experiences and learns along the way will be helpful to anyone who shares her struggle.
The video is currently available on Amazon Prime video (and can be watched for free if you are a Prime member). For information on other viewing options, go to http://awaytoforgiveness.weebly.com/click-to-watch.html.
Last weekend, a clicked on a documentary that showed up on recommended watch list, expecting to be inspired by a story of one man's triumph over adversity. Charged: The Eduardo Garcia Story.
Charged was that, but so much more. It was also a story of infidelity, of family wounds, of the purpose of our lives. The documentary can be rented using most services, but is currently streaming for free on Amazon Prime Video if you happen to have an Amazon Prime account.
In my work with men and women who have had affairs and are confused about what it means to live a meaningful and fulfilling life, we often discuss the difference between lives motivated by doing (meeting expectations, satisfying others, doing the right thing) or getting (attaining outward goals, achievements, satisfaction) and why those legitimate motives should be secondary to a focus of being (the story we tell with our live, who we are and who we are becoming).
If you had an affair in your past, I would recommend watching this documentary. The traumatic event in Eduardo's life can be seen as a dividing point in his life experience. Think about this division as the Eduardo Before and the Eduardo After. Some things will remain constant in the before and after; some things will change. After you watch the video, consider these questions:
Those of you who follow us know that Sharon and I have been in transition as we close our offices in central Florida to move to Carmel, Indiana. The move has begun!
While Sharon finalizes the move from our Florida home, I've already moved north to open the office and search for our new home in the Midwest. Sharon will eventually be joining me at the Renewal Counseling offices to build a new local practice.
Nothing really changes in regard to the personal coaching services (video/phone) that we offer, but our Marriage ICU Retreats for couples will now be held in this north-Indianapolis area. We hope that this central location might be more easily accessible for couples in need of intensive care.
The past six months have been a challenge as we've worked to close an office and join a new practice, sell a home and look for a new one, become licensed counselors in a new state, and care for parents with significant health needs. The transition isn't over, but we're closer to the end of the tunnel.
Thank you to those of you have have encouraged us along the way. We remain passionate about helping people find healing from the wounds of infidelity. Sharon and I will continue to be personally involved with our clients and look forward to helping in any way we can.
As we're able to turn our focus again to creating new content, we will be producing new podcasts, courses, along with other resources. For up-to-date information, sign up for our mailing list. (We don't send spam!)
This article is a guest post from blogger and neuroscientist “Dr L”, who writes about limerence, purposeful living and the psychology of infatuation at livingwithlimerence.com.
Affair fog. The mysterious mind-altering cloud that seems to descend on people caught up in affairs. It's an apt term, because it captures the idea that the cheater is no longer seeing the world clearly, that they've lost their old sense of direction, that they are now wandering around in a dreamy haze, heedless to the world around them. Peering through the fog the only thing they seem to see clearly is their affair partner - who stands out as a dazzling source of light and wonder. Their spouse, when they notice them at all, is a dull obstacle that stands in their way. They may even look backwards, and rewrite the history of their marriage from this new perspective - emphasizing all the negative experiences and unhappy memories, and downplaying the joys and love.
So, what's going on? Have they lost their mind? Have they really fallen under the bewitching spell of their affair partner? Why can't they see what is so obvious to everyone around them: that they are an everyday cheater making a fool of themselves, and harming the people that love them?
As a neuroscientist, I tend to look at this from the perspective that such large-scale changes in mood, perception, and behavior must have their origins in the brain. So, the answer to the puzzle of affair fog lies in figuring out what's going on in our heads.
Unless otherwise noted, articles are written by Tim Tedder, a licensed counselor and creator of this site and its resources.