Affair healing Blog
This article is a guest post from blogger and neuroscientist “Dr L”, who writes about limerence, purposeful living and the psychology of infatuation at livingwithlimerence.com.
Affair fog. The mysterious mind-altering cloud that seems to descend on people caught up in affairs. It's an apt term, because it captures the idea that the cheater is no longer seeing the world clearly, that they've lost their old sense of direction, that they are now wandering around in a dreamy haze, heedless to the world around them. Peering through the fog the only thing they seem to see clearly is their affair partner - who stands out as a dazzling source of light and wonder. Their spouse, when they notice them at all, is a dull obstacle that stands in their way. They may even look backwards, and rewrite the history of their marriage from this new perspective - emphasizing all the negative experiences and unhappy memories, and downplaying the joys and love.
So, what's going on? Have they lost their mind? Have they really fallen under the bewitching spell of their affair partner? Why can't they see what is so obvious to everyone around them: that they are an everyday cheater making a fool of themselves, and harming the people that love them?
As a neuroscientist, I tend to look at this from the perspective that such large-scale changes in mood, perception, and behavior must have their origins in the brain. So, the answer to the puzzle of affair fog lies in figuring out what's going on in our heads.
This article was written and posted in our Community Forum by user"Stillme."
It is always frustrating when people say the equivalent of, "If you won't give it 100%, why stay?" That assumes that some decisions are not rational and that life is simply 100% or 0%. I live in the real world, and the real world is filled with compromise.
I'll give an example:
I completely dislike strawberry ice cream.
Vanilla ice cream is okay, just okay.
I like chocolate ice cream.
I absolutely LOVE salted caramel ice cream.
I talk to clients nearly every day, helping most of them work through choices and changes that affect their marriage or relationship. When I first meet a new couple, I usually don't know their full story. There is a lot to find out, but I typically start by assessing the overall stability of the marriage by finding the answer to three questions:
These six predictors are not guarantees. They are indicators that tend to be present in couples who, on the other side of infidelity, rediscover a satisfying and intimate relationship with each other. How many are present in your marriage?
In July 2019, Sharon and I (Tim Tedder) will be moving and establishing local counseling offices in the Indianapolis area. Jennifer will be maintaining a counseling presents in central Florida. Why is this happening and what does it mean for AffairHealing.com and its resources?
Unless otherwise noted, articles are written by Tim Tedder, a licensed counselor and creator of this site and its resources. Twitter: @TimTedder