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To even suggest that it might be beneficial to consider gratitude during the traumatic pain of betrayal might seem utterly ridiculous, but that's exactly what Stephen tried to do.
Today I am thankful... from Stephen Elliot on Vimeo.
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"I'm ready to give up this hurt..." A few nights ago, I came across another documentary that relates to affair healing issues. In her self-filmed documentary, A Way to Forgiveness, Erin takes a 550-mile pilgrimage across northern Spain in an attempt to find healing from the hurt of her impending divorce. Here's what she says in the beginning of the film as she prepares for the trip: "I'm ready to stop crying every day. I'm ready to not collapse as I walk through the house. I just fall to the ground and sob from the pain. I'm ready to give up this hurt. I'm ready to, hopefully, find find a way to forgive the person who I trusted the most and ended up betraying me. I'm ready to pack my bags and just walk. I'm ready." It is a story of pain, grief, confusion. It is one woman's spiritual journey (Erin's Catholic faith is important to her), although I'd recommend it to anyone who has been betrayed even if they do not share her faith. It is one person's search for healing and forgiveness. Some of the things she experiences and learns along the way will be helpful to anyone who shares her struggle. The video is currently available on Amazon Prime video (and can be watched for free if you are a Prime member). For information on other viewing options, go to http://awaytoforgiveness.weebly.com/click-to-watch.html. This article was written and posted in our Community Forum by user"Stillme."  It is always frustrating when people say the equivalent of, "If you won't give it 100%, why stay?" That assumes that some decisions are not rational and that life is simply 100% or 0%. I live in the real world, and the real world is filled with compromise.
I'll give an example: I completely dislike strawberry ice cream. Vanilla ice cream is okay, just okay. I like chocolate ice cream. I absolutely LOVE salted caramel ice cream. Helen Tower is one of the people I follow on Twitter and am often encouraged by what she writes. Recently, she posted a letter she wrote to her "ex-unfaithful" husband. She gave permission to post it here, too. You can read the entire post on her Sailing Through Infidelity blog.  Dear ex-unfaithful husband,
I want to thank you for sticking with me during the trying times after I discovered your affair. I am so happy this is now in the past. We went through periods during which I was willing to hurt myself just to hurt you, in a desperate attempt to soothe my pain. You never lost focus on your commitment to do whatever it took to save our marriage.  We usually expect our marriage to last a lifetime. What starts with promises of faithfulness and endurance, we believe, will survive any challenge "for better or for worse." Most marriages do; some even thrive. But many die in ways never anticipated.
When the death of a marriage is a mutual choice between two partners, grieving its loss may be a short-term process. The decision to end their relationship often follows a period of prolonged suffering, making divorce feel like relief. Similar to a funeral, partners make the appropriate arrangements, pay their final respects, bury the marriage, and move on with their lives. But a marriage killed by betrayal is not so easily mourned. |
AuthorUnless otherwise noted, articles are written by Tim Tedder, a licensed counselor and creator of this site and its resources. Topics
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