Affair healing Blog
In this episode of the "Dear Therapists" podcast, hosts Guy Winch and Lori Gottlieb focus on helping a man who left his family to be with his affair partner. Troubled by the perspectives his ex-wife and friends seem to have of him, he asks the therapists for help. You'll have to put up with a few commercials, but it's well worth the listen.
We might get the impression that once a spouse decides they want a divorce, the move to the end the marriage quickly becomes the certain choice of both partners. By the time the divorce is finalized, both partner's are likely confident about the difficult choices they are making.
The Doherty Institute released this video addressing research that points to the uncertainty that some couples continue to feel about the choice they are making. Is it too late for those couples to give their marriage another chance?
Marriages sometimes end for legitimate or necessary reasons, but one reason often presented for divorce is the idea children should be witness to a happy marriage. The argument goes something like this: If the marriage is no longer a "happy one" then perhaps the kids would be better off if their parents found a more fulfilling relationship.
This new video from the Doherty Relationship Institute provides a perspective on the issue.
"I'm ready to give up this hurt..."
A few nights ago, I came across another documentary that relates to affair healing issues. In her self-filmed documentary, A Way to Forgiveness, Erin takes a 550-mile pilgrimage across northern Spain in an attempt to find healing from the hurt of her impending divorce.
Here's what she says in the beginning of the film as she prepares for the trip: "I'm ready to stop crying every day. I'm ready to not collapse as I walk through the house. I just fall to the ground and sob from the pain. I'm ready to give up this hurt. I'm ready to, hopefully, find find a way to forgive the person who I trusted the most and ended up betraying me. I'm ready to pack my bags and just walk. I'm ready."
We usually expect our marriage to last a lifetime. What starts with promises of faithfulness and endurance, we believe, will survive any challenge "for better or for worse." Most marriages do; some even thrive. But many die in ways never anticipated.
When the death of a marriage is a mutual choice between two partners, grieving its loss may be a short-term process. The decision to end their relationship often follows a period of prolonged suffering, making divorce feel like relief. Similar to a funeral, partners make the appropriate arrangements, pay their final respects, bury the marriage, and move on with their lives.
But a marriage killed by betrayal is not so easily mourned.
Unless otherwise noted, articles are written by Tim Tedder, a licensed counselor and creator of this site and its resources.