After an affair is exposed, much pain and confusion is often experienced. And when a couple, caught up in the turmoil, reaches out for answers to the "What's next?" question, they are likely to hear many different answers.

I'd like to give you mine.

My response is more than opinion. It is an honest conclusion that has been firmly established by many years of counseling individuals & couples following infidelity. It is learned from my own experience, too.

But let me adjust the questions just a bit before I answer them further.

• Can your marriage be saved? Maybe.
• Can you save your marriage? Together, yes. Alone, no.
• Should you save your marriage? It depends.

Let's take a closer look at each question...

Sara turned to look at Dave sitting at the other end of the couch in my office. With a mix of hope and caution she said, "I'm willing to work through this and fix our marriage. Are you?"

Dave was slow to respond. Since his affair had been discovered two weeks ago, he had been swinging between the choice to recommit to his marriage, or leave it for good. His indecision left Sara confused, uncertain about her own choices. She wanted him to make a declaration, one way or another, so she could decide what her next steps would be.

As long as Dave continued to vacillate, and as long as Sara waited on his choice before making her own, their relationship remained in limbo. Neither spouse was able to see a clear path forward.

Although the betrayed spouse also must decide whether or not to stay in their marriage, this article will focus on the decision (or indecision) of the unfaithful spouse. By reading the decision meter, each spouse can determine the steps that will guide them away from relationship limbo.