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Affair healing Blog

6 Options After Your Affair Is Exposed

8/30/2017

 
In the introduction to her excellent book, How To Help Your Spouse Heal from Your Affair, Linda MacDonald identifies 5 options available to unfaithful partners after an affair has been discovered. With the author's permission, I've reprinted her options with my comments and added a sixth option as well.
​Tim Tedder
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Can you save your marriage? Should you?

7/11/2017

 
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After an affair is exposed, much pain and confusion is often experienced. And when a couple, caught up in the turmoil, reaches out for answers to the "What's next?" question, they are likely to hear many different answers.

I'd like to give you mine.

My response is more than opinion. It is an honest conclusion that has been firmly established by many years of counseling individuals & couples following infidelity. It is learned from my own experience, too.

But let me adjust the questions just a bit before I answer them further.
  • Can your marriage be saved? Maybe.
  • Can you save your marriage? Together, yes. Alone, no.
  • Should you save your marriage? It depends.

Let's take a closer look at each question...

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​Leave A Cheater, Gain A Life - Book Review

6/22/2017

 
Book's Author: Tracy Schorn
Amazon Link
Reviewed by Tim Tedder, LMHC, NCC

​UPDATE (7/8/17): I posted an edited version of this review on the book's Amazon listing and, while generally positive, pointed out the disagreements I have with some of the "Chump Lady's" perspectives. The author copied my review on her blog with a personal response that set the tone for the storm of reaction from her online followers.

The angry comments spilled out from her site to this one and then into my personal email with titles like "You should be ashamed of yourself" and "FRAUD!" I soon began filtering posts, not because they disagreed with me (we can learn from that!), but because so many were personal, vicious, and without any interest in actually listening to another point of view.
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Making Marriage Choices After An Affair

4/25/2017

 
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Sara turned to look at Dave sitting at the other end of the couch in my office. With a mix of hope and caution she said, "I'm willing to work through this and fix our marriage. Are you?"

Dave was slow to respond. Since his affair had been discovered two weeks ago, he had been swinging between the choice to recommit to his marriage, or leave it for good. His indecision left Sara confused, uncertain about her own choices. She wanted him to make a declaration, one way or another, so she could decide what her next steps would be.

As long as Dave continued to vacillate, and as long as Sara waited on his choice before making her own, their relationship remained in limbo. Neither spouse was able to see a clear path forward.

Although the betrayed spouse also must decide whether or not to stay in their marriage, this article will focus on the decision (or indecision) of the unfaithful spouse. By reading the decision meter, each spouse can determine the steps that will guide them away from relationship limbo.

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    Unless otherwise noted, articles are written by Tim Tedder, a licensed counselor and creator of this site and its resources.

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