Affair Healing
  • Courses
  • Coaching
  • Podcast
  • Resources
    • Books
    • Couples Retreat
    • Newsletter
    • Online Courses
    • Q & A
    • Stories

Affair healing Blog

Post-Betrayal: Are You Remodeling or Rebuilding?

1/8/2019

 
Picture
In my interview with Debi Silber (Recovery Room podcast #401), founder of the Post Betrayal Institute, Debi talked about different ways women move beyond betrayal. She made a distinction between those who experience resilience and those who experience transformation.

To illustrate her point, she gave this example:

Let's say a house needs a new boiler, paint job, and roof. You buy a new boiler, repaint it, and get a new roof. That's resilience. 

But transformation is like this... 
If a tornado comes by and levels your house, a new boiler, paint job, or roof isn't going to fix it. It needs to be rebuilt. That's transformation.

Betrayal is like the leveling of your house. You have every right to stare at the lot where the house once stood and say, "This is the most terrible, awful, tragic thing that's ever happened to me." And you'd be right.

You can call all your friends over and say, "Look at this! This is terrible, awful, tragic!" And they would all agree.

You don't have to do anything, but should you choose to build your house, you can rebuild anything. Why not build the most beautiful, magnificent house you've ever had?

Photo Credit: Geoff Sills Flickr via Compfight cc
Connie Lollar
1/18/2019 09:06:28 pm

I want to build something beautiful, but might be trying partner is having a hard time learning how to be vulnerable and real in a relationship. That I think is what led him down the wrong path to begin with, he didn’t know how to truly love. I can’t let him in or trust him again until I see that change.


Comments are closed.

    Author

    Unless otherwise noted, articles are written by Tim Tedder, a licensed counselor and creator of this site and its resources.

    Topics

    All
    Affair Fog
    Affair Partner
    AH History
    Anger
    Apologies
    Asking Questions
    Betrayed Partner
    Book Review
    Boundaries
    Change
    Children
    Choices
    Communication
    Confession
    Control
    Divorce
    Emotional Affairs
    Empathy
    Failure
    Forgiveness
    Getting Caught
    Grace
    Gratitude
    Grief
    Limerence
    Love
    Marriage
    Online Affairs
    Pain
    Personal Stories
    Pornography
    Rejection
    Separation
    Sex
    Shame
    Thoughts
    Triggers
    Trust
    Truth
    Unfaithful Partner

    RSS Feed

HOME | CONTACT US | SITE INDEX
Picture
Copyright ©2009-2022, Tim Tedder, LMHC, NCC & contributing authors. Content on this site cannot be used or reproduced without permission. AffairHealing.com is a resource of Currents Services, LLC.
  • Courses
  • Coaching
  • Podcast
  • Resources
    • Books
    • Couples Retreat
    • Newsletter
    • Online Courses
    • Q & A
    • Stories