Affair healing Blog
Dear Ex-unfaithful Husband
Helen Tower is one of the people I follow on Twitter and am often encouraged by what she writes. Recently, she posted a letter she wrote to her "ex-unfaithful" husband. She gave permission to post it here, too. You can read the entire post on her Sailing Through Infidelity blog.
Dear ex-unfaithful husband,
I want to thank you for sticking with me during the trying times after I discovered your affair. I am so happy this is now in the past.
We went through periods during which I was willing to hurt myself just to hurt you, in a desperate attempt to soothe my pain. You never lost focus on your commitment to do whatever it took to save our marriage.
Thank you for not attacking me back when I put you in vulnerable and dangerous positions. Thank you for refusing to go with your AP even when I left you alone so you could run to her. At least it was clear to you after DDay that the whole affair was a mistake, that it was unreal and that it wasn't worth risking your family.
I appreciate that you acknowledged your responsibility for the way I was feeling that led to breaching the boundaries of safety for our family. It helped me focus on what is most important: my true feelings.
Before I experienced your infidelity I thought people shouldn't work it out because of their children. Now I know my children are a part of me and we all love you very much. It takes a lot of support to be able to see through the fog of social impositions in the face of betrayal. I was blessed with resources, friends and a supportive husband to start to see the light.
I love you,
3/13/2019 12:27:48 am
Thank you. That's encouraging. My H struggled at first, but has really been trying to help me. I look forward to when he feels like an ex-unfaithful, too.
3/19/2019 03:06:47 pm
That was beautiful!!!
3/22/2019 11:25:37 am
Thank him?? No way. It’s the price they pay. It will NEVER come close to what they put us through.
4/7/2019 08:28:04 am
Gratitude is one the most efficient ways for me to come out of the downs of my emotional roller coaster post discovery of the affair 8 months ago. i like to see the glass half full. I know women who would have done anything for a second chance with their unfaithful husbands but they just ran away.
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Unless otherwise noted, articles are written by Tim Tedder, a licensed counselor and creator of this site and its resources.