Cautious About Trusting Again

This message was recently posted in our Community forum:

I'm six months from D-day. I have noticed a few changes in my husband and I'm wondering if it is too early to let my guard down or if this is natural in healing. For instance, I don't access his email nearly as often. The same goes for his phone. Sometimes I forget to check to make sure he is where he says he is using the Find Friends app. Am I being foolish in not being more vigilant, or is this simply progress?

It seems like progress to me. Healing often involves taking intentional steps (choosing to talk less frequently about the affair, choosing to pull back from checking up the the spouse, etc.), but be encouraged when you realized that you "forgot" to check something... or think about something.

When I broke my wrist, I was very aware of the pain and pampered that arm a lot. As it healed, I sometimes forgot I wore a cast and would only be reminded when tried to reach in a way that use to be normal. When the cast first came off, I favored that wrist, being extra cautious because I feared it might snap again. But as time went on, I forgot to favor it. I barely thought about the injury unless something specific reminded me. Even then, though, the memory didn't evoke pain or fear... just the acknowledgement of what had happened.

Your betrayal is a different kind of injury. It's a much deeper hurt and the healing will take longer. But some of the recovery signs will be similar. There will be days when you realize that the affair has been on your mind less than it use to be. You will sometimes forget to do something that you use to do with frustrating regularity.

Those are good things. They're evidence of healing.