Strategy 7: Increase your support. [page 8 of the Obsessive Focus article]
When I meet a recovering couple who has kept their affair a secret from everyone, I express concern over the limit of support available to each of them, especially the betrayed spouse. The level of comfort and encouragement needed is usually more than their broken relationship can provide. My counsel, without exception, is for each of them to find at least one other supportive, trustworthy person and talk to them honestly.
Choose someone who will respect your confidence and encourage you in healthy directions. This may be a family member, a friend, a religious leader, a counselor, or a support group… or all of the above! You need this.
Be brave enough to ask for help, vulnerable enough to tell them when you need them, and respectful enough to guard against overdependence. A close friend or family member might not mind you talking every day, but use the other coping strategies in this article to sustain you as you take deliberate breaks between conversations. Don’t cling too strongly to either dependency or self-sufficiency; find the balance between them.
