I'm stuck! I can't stop obsessing about the affair. How do I stop?
UPDATE: This subject is now covered extensively in the posted article, Obsessive Focus: Relentless Thoughts or Conversations About the Affair.
Let me give you a quick overview of the article's contents:
The Problem: While it is normal for post-traumatic symptoms to occur following the discovery of an affair, we expect these symptoms to significantly diminish over time. Some betrayed partners, however, get caught in a spinning emotional vortex that seems to trap them in a repeating cycle of negative thoughts or conversation. They desperately want to break free from this obsessive behavior, but feel powerless to do so.
The Solution: I recommend the use of these strategies in changing patterns of negative cognition or conversation. I've only provided a summary description here. Please refer to the full article for complete explanations of how to implement these strategies.
The Problem: While it is normal for post-traumatic symptoms to occur following the discovery of an affair, we expect these symptoms to significantly diminish over time. Some betrayed partners, however, get caught in a spinning emotional vortex that seems to trap them in a repeating cycle of negative thoughts or conversation. They desperately want to break free from this obsessive behavior, but feel powerless to do so.
The Solution: I recommend the use of these strategies in changing patterns of negative cognition or conversation. I've only provided a summary description here. Please refer to the full article for complete explanations of how to implement these strategies.
- Take 3 steps toward controlling affair conversations.
Step One: Have a Total Truth Talk.
Step Two: Intentionally limit ongoing conversations.
Step Three: Announce your final affair conversation. - Turn cages into clouds.
This strategy helps you view emotional cycles as temporary problems rather than rigid traps that are out of your control. - Redirect negative thoughts.
An explanation of how to practice "thought-stopping" using these 4 steps: Recognize, Reject, Refocus, Replace. - Start a Flip Journal™.
An innovative journaling technique that will help change your focus of thought. - Create a Sleep Story.
A effective technique used to find relief from relentless thoughts that keep you from sleep at night. - Release your grip on the past.
Finish the process of forgiveness and experience greater freedom. - Increase your support.
Find additional relationship support to help you process your pain and confusion. Don't try to do this alone or with only your partner's support. - Seek help from an EMDR counselor.
This unique therapeutic approach often provides significant relief from anxiety resulting from past trauma.
Additional Resources
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