Questions Index >

Will I ever be able to get over this affair?

You can! And I hope you will. Your answer to that question depends on what you choose to believe, and how you choose to react in this horrible situation.

Whether your marriage survives or not, you do not have to remain a prisoner of this betrayal. But I want you to know this: You may never deal with anything so painful as this, so don't expect your recovery to be quick or easy. This takes longer than you expect, and will be harder than you want it to be. (It's not all bad news. If you let the work of healing happen, you will be better and stronger on the other side.)

You have to realize that your recovery takes time. There is no shortcut. Don't base your long-term prognosis on how you feel during the beginning of recovery because you will likely experience a wide range of emotions, sometimes shifting minute by minute. That's normal. You're trying to adjust to a traumatic event and it takes time to find your way back to normal stability.

Here's what this betrayed spouse had to say about recovery:
...it is imperative that the betrayed spouse remember that healing never comes in a straight line. NEVER. 

I didn't realize that at first. I'd have a really good day and would think, "Great, that part of my life is behind me, I weathered the storm, I'm good to go." Then I'd get hit between the eyes out of the blue and I remember thinking to myself ,"Oh my God, I thought I was over this." That experience presents you with an whole new feeling of hopelessness. 

So it's important to remember that healing is more like zigging and zagging, and those zigs and zags sometimes come multiple times a day. Welcome the good days, but know that it could be years before you are completely healed. Even then, I think it will always affect you in some way, but not always in a negative way. Every life experience can be used for something positive if we choose to allow it to.
Don't try to do this alone. You need support. Here are a few suggestions:
Additional Resources: