My spouse claims they are "just friends" but I think they are having an affair. What should I do?
Do you have good reason to suspect that the relationship has gone beyond friendship? Do you know if any boundaries have been crossed (expressions of affection, secret meetings, any kind of physical/sexual contact)? If so, then common sense tells you that it's not just friendship, no matter what they claim. If they claim they are committed to your marriage, then you should insist that the "friendship" ends and that you both get counseling help to address what has happened. If they resist, or if they say that you have no right to interfere with their choice of friends, then you're going to have to accept the fact that they are choosing the other relationship over your marriage.
What if you don't have evidence of an affair, but something still seems wrong about the "friendship"? Again, be honest with your spouse. Don't threaten or accuse; just tell them what your observing and why it feels unsafe to you. Your spouse's reaction will tell you much about the health of your marriage and their commitment to it. I've never known a person committed to his/her marriage who wasn't willing to sacrifice any friendship that was getting in the way. (See the entry Trying to Catch Your Spouse in an Affair for more information about looking for affair evidence.)
All this assumes that your suspicions are reasonable. If you are a person who is constantly insecure with a history of accusing your romantic partners of cheating, then maybe your fear is coming out of your own brokenness and not your spouse's unfaithfulness.
What if you don't have evidence of an affair, but something still seems wrong about the "friendship"? Again, be honest with your spouse. Don't threaten or accuse; just tell them what your observing and why it feels unsafe to you. Your spouse's reaction will tell you much about the health of your marriage and their commitment to it. I've never known a person committed to his/her marriage who wasn't willing to sacrifice any friendship that was getting in the way. (See the entry Trying to Catch Your Spouse in an Affair for more information about looking for affair evidence.)
All this assumes that your suspicions are reasonable. If you are a person who is constantly insecure with a history of accusing your romantic partners of cheating, then maybe your fear is coming out of your own brokenness and not your spouse's unfaithfulness.
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