The feelings for my lover are so intense, how can anyone expect me to get over him/her?
As mentioned in another answer regarding choosing between your spouse and your lover, it is no surprise that emotions experienced in your affair have been extremely satisfying and passionate. Because of all the dynamics in an affair (relief from feelings of being inadequate or unappreciated; new sexual explorations; sharing the "best" parts of someone without having to deal daily with their worst parts; the thrill of secrecy), your passion may have reached a level you've never known before and may never know again, unless you seek out another affair.
But you need to understand that the dynamics at work in an affair are similar to those that occur in other forms of addictive behavior. There is a definite rush that can't be denied, but whether you want to believe it or not, that rush will not last forever. Just like it was in your marriage, this new relationship will eventually settle into its own "normal."
Whatever inadequacies you took into your relationship with your spouse will be repeated in new relationships as well unless you figure out what needs to change and how to go about changing it.
But you need to understand that the dynamics at work in an affair are similar to those that occur in other forms of addictive behavior. There is a definite rush that can't be denied, but whether you want to believe it or not, that rush will not last forever. Just like it was in your marriage, this new relationship will eventually settle into its own "normal."
Whatever inadequacies you took into your relationship with your spouse will be repeated in new relationships as well unless you figure out what needs to change and how to go about changing it.
Additional Resources:
- Podcast #108: Reality vs Fantasy
- "Mark's Story" (one man's account of his affair) is available in both written & audio formats. Read the article or listen to Podcast #114.
- Download the free Affair Fog QuickGuide (a PDF reprint of this article).
- Article: The Neuroscience of Affair Fog
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