Top Recommended Affair Recovery Books

This evolving list presents our top two recommended books in various categories related to healing after infidelity. For additional recommendations and an explanation of the review process, visit our Full List of Book Recommendations.

TOP2 Affair Recovery Overview

Books providing a broad healing perspective, addressing major issues related to affair recovery for couples and individuals.
Healing from Infidelity
by Michele Weiner-Davis
The author brings three decades of experience into her advice to focused on couples who want to find their way through recovery to re-connection. Her instruction includes case vignettes of couples whose lives were shattered by betrayal but have eventually recovered and thrived.
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Not Just Friends: Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity
by Shirley P. Glass
Glass scrutinizes affairs and offers well-defined guidelines, including tips for determining how vulnerable individuals and relationships are to temptation, and prescriptions for keeping relationships "safe," repairing betrayal-induced damages and recovering from the trauma.
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TOP2 for Injured Partners

Books for those who have been betrayed.​
Living & Loving After Betrayal
by Steven Stosny
The book presents practical strategies for overcoming betrayal-induced trauma and the chronic resentment and depression that result, using the author's "compassion-empowerment" approach. The author explores the effects of the various aspects of betrayal. In addition, the book helps you regain a sense of trust in others so that you can eventually find another compassionate person to share your life with or, if you choose, to rebuild a relationship with your reformed betrayer.
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Runaway Husbands: The Abandoned Wife's Guide to Recovery and Renewal
by Vikki Stark
Based on a study of over 400 women, this book helps women understand what motivated their husbands to turn into uncaring strangers and provides them with the tools they need to move forward and rebuild their lives in new and unexpected ways.
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TOP2 for Involved Partners

Books for those who have been unfaithful.
How to Help Your Spouse Heal from Your Affair
by Linda J. MacDonald
One of the clearest, most concise guides for an unfaithful partner. It's not easy reading because this is not easy work, but Linda is straight-forward and to-the-point. Highly recommended for every unfaithful spouse. (Note: While there are a few spiritual references in this book, the author is clear in her intent to offer a guide to anyone who needs help repairing their marriage, regardless of religious orientation.)
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Living with Limerence: A Guide for the Smitten
by Dr. L
​"Dr L" sets out the case that limerence is best understood as addiction to another person. Drawing on evidence from the neuroscience of reward-seeking, motivation and behavioral addictions, and the personal testimony of some of the thousands of limerents that visit his website, he makes sense of the experience of being so utterly infatuated with someone it feels like you've lost your mind.
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TOP2 for Marriage/Relationship Renewal

Books for couples who have moved beyond a focus on affair issues and want to experience a more satisfying relationship.​
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert
by John M. Gottman, Nan Silver
Gottman debunks many myths about divorce and reveals surprising facts about couples who stay together. Through a series of in-depth quizzes, checklists, and exercises, Gottman provides the framework for coping with differences and strengthening your marriage. His profiles of troubled couples rescued from the brink of divorce and those of still-happy couples who reinvigorate their relationships are equally enlightening. This is a great resource for couples who are motivated to strengthen their marriage.
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His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage
by Willard F. Harley Jr.
Marriage works only when each spouse takes the time to consider the other's needs and strives to meet them. This book identifies the ten most vital needs of men and women and shows husbands and wives how to satisfy those needs in their spouses.
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TOP2 Other Books

Other books offering insight and instruction that are helpful in affair healing.​
Emotional First Aid
by Guy Winch
While this book does not focus specifically on affair recovery, most of the problems addressed in the book are commonly experienced in the affair healing process. In each chapter, the author (a practicing psychologist) discusses an emotional wound using real-life examples and then offers practical research-based remedies. Each of these emotional wounds is covered in a chapter of the book: Rejection, Loneliness, Loss & Trauma, Guilt, Rumination, Failure, and Low Self-Esteem. Anyone struggling to heal from wounds of infidelity would benefit from the instruction and remedies presented by the author.
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Mistakes Were Made (But Not by Me): Why We Justify Foolish Beliefs, Bad Decision, and Hurtful Acts
by Carol Travis
While not a book about affair recovery, this book gives insight into one of the most confusing issues in many affairs: How could a spouse change so drastically from who we thought they were? In this book, renowned social psychologists Carol Tavris and Elliot Aronson take a compelling look into how the brain is wired for self-justification. When we make mistakes, we must calm the cognitive dissonance that jars our feelings of self-worth. And so we create fictions that absolve us of responsibility, restoring our belief that we are smart, moral, and right— a belief that often keeps us on a course that is dumb, immoral, and wrong.
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