Shouldn't my spouse show more remorse over their affair?
If your spouse has had an affair, it is likely that there will be some powerful forces at work to keep them from fully acknowledging the consequences of what they've done. The avoidance of pain (yours and theirs) and the avoidance of shame are two strong incentives for moving quickly past the affair. In order for you to forgive your spouse and to move toward trusting them again, you want to know they truly regret the affair and empathize with the pain you feel.
Your spouse will never be able to fully understand what you are feeling. Realize that you will probably want more than they can honestly give. But even so, you really do need him (or her) to demonstrate that caring for you is more important than caring for himself during this initial stage of recovery. That is a reasonable expectation. If that need isn't met, it's going to be difficult for you to move back into a trusting, intimate marriage.
So what can you do? Well, you can't force brokenness. You can only invite it. For more information, please read the article It's Good To Be Broken.
