Go FFISHing for What’s Beneath Your Anger
Anger’s Not the Problem
Anger has a bad reputation. We treat it as the thing to fix: control it, suppress it, or let it out and hope that helps. But anger isn't the problem. It's the announcement that there is one.
Anger has a bad reputation. We treat it as the thing to fix: control it, suppress it, or let it out and hope that helps. But anger isn't the problem. It's the announcement that there is one.
In this episode, Tim uses the image of a fishing bobber to reframe what anger actually is. When the bobber dips, you don't stare at the bobber — you want to know what's on the line. Anger works the same way, and after betrayal, the thing tugging underneath is almost always something your partner needs to hear but never gets to, because it arrives in a form that guarantees a fight.
You'll hear:
Why venting doesn't work, and what a 2024 review of 154 studies found instead
Why a betrayed partner's anger is a normal response to a real injury, not a coping failure
Why an involved partner's anger when confronted is so often shame wearing a costume
The five feelings beneath anger — Frustration, Fear, Injustice, Shame, Hurt — with the questions that help you identify each one
How to take a time-out that actually works, and why most of them don't
A one-week practice you can start today
Plus two short dramatizations of the same evening, played twice.
Understanding what's beneath your anger explains your behavior. It doesn't excuse it. Both of those are worth holding on to.
LINKS and EXTRAS
Episode Page: https://www.affairhealing.com/podcasts/074
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