Beyond Stay or Go: Who You Become after Betrayal
Your Most Important Decision
"Should I stay or should I go?" It's usually the first question after an affair comes to light, and often the hardest to answer while you're still in shock.
But there’s more to consider…
In this episode, I talk with psychotherapist and author Lauren LaRusso about her new book, Beyond Infidelity. Lauren's perspective is both professional and personal: her marriage ended after her husband's affair. Mine ended after I was the one who broke trust. We come at this experience from opposite sides, and that contrast shapes much of our conversation.
Lauren makes a claim that may shift how you see your situation: the moment infidelity is revealed, the original version of your relationship is already gone. Whether a couple rebuilds or parts ways, they're no longer deciding about the marriage they had. They're deciding whether something new is possible. And the relationship isn't the only thing that changes. Who you thought you were inside that relationship changes, too.
We talk about:
What people are really asking when they ask "Should I stay or go?"
Why that decision rarely becomes clear in the middle of a crisis—and what to focus on instead
Letting go of the need to control the outcome, whether you're fighting to save the marriage or certain you'll leave
How betrayal shatters identity, and why so much of our self-worth is tied to how others see us
Lauren's story of a local magazine featuring her family on its cover just weeks after she discovered the affair
Looking honestly at your role in the relationship—not in the infidelity—and why that matters for trusting yourself again
Refusing to let the way a marriage ended erase everything that was real in it
What Lauren looks for as evidence that someone who broke trust is actually doing the work
Whether you were betrayed or you broke trust, and whether you're staying or going, this conversation is about the work that belongs to you—work nobody can take from you, no matter how your relationship turns out.
LINKS and EXTRAS
Lauren’s Book: Beyond Infidelity: How to Turn the End of Your Relationship into the Beginning of Your Life
Lauren’s Website: laurenlarusso.com | Instagram: @laurenlarusso
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Lauren LaRusso
Lauren LaRusso, LPC, LMHC, is a psychotherapist in private practice who specializes in helping people navigate infidelity. She works with individuals on every side of the affair triangle, as well as with married couples and couples in an affair. She brings both professional expertise and lived experience to that work: her own marriage ended after her husband's affair, and she has written openly about rebuilding her life afterward.
Lauren is the author of Beyond Infidelity: How to Turn the End of Your Relationship into the Beginning of Your Life, a guide for betrayed partners focused on personal healing and growth, whether their relationship continues or ends. She holds a bachelor's degree in psychology and creative writing from the College of the Holy Cross and a Master of Science in Education from the University of Pennsylvania.
