The Post-Affair Marriage: Who Broke It? Who Should Fix It?
Blame vs. Responsibility
When a marriage is shaken by infidelity, blame feels natural. It looks backward and assigns fault. In many ways, it’s necessary. But if a couple decides to stay together, blame alone will not move them forward. It can clarify responsibility, but it cannot rebuild connection. When blame becomes the permanent posture, the relationship slowly turns into a courtroom where one partner prosecutes and the other defends.
Responsibility is different. Responsibility asks, What will I do now? It doesn’t erase accountability for the affair, and it doesn’t pretend both partners are equally at fault for the betrayal. Instead, it shifts the focus from punishment to participation to start building the future.
When a marriage is damaged by infidelity, two questions emerge: Who broke it? And who has to fix it? The answers are rarely as simple as we’d like. In this episode, Tim Tedder challenges some of the most common assumptions about why affairs happen and what recovery requires.
Are affairs caused by something missing in the marriage? Was the relationship already broken before the betrayal? Can infidelity occur even in a stable, healthy marriage? And if a couple chooses to stay together, who is responsible for rebuilding?
By examining three broad patterns—the stressed marriage, the severed marriage, and the stable marriage—Tim separates responsibility for the affair from responsibility for the condition of the relationship. He explores why accountability for betrayal is one-sided, but repairing a marriage is not. This episode invites listeners to move beyond blame and into a more mature understanding of healing, responsibility, and growth after infidelity.
LINKS and EXTRAS
Additional Recommendation: Stop Repairing Your Marriage After an Affair
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