My Husband Left and I’m Still Trying to Understand Why
Submitted by a site user. Used with permission.
I’ve been married to a wonderful man for 27 years. We have three grown kids and one beautiful grandchild.
My husband has always been a hard worker, maybe even a bit of a workaholic. In the early years, our marriage was great. But somewhere along the way, something shifted, and I still can’t quite put my finger on when or why.
He’s worked in churches most of his life, in just about every role except lead pastor: children’s pastor, youth pastor, Christian Ed director, associate pastor, you name it. He always worked hard for our family and was a good provider. He told me he loved me every day.
Then, at one church, he got too close to a woman he worked with. It turned into an emotional affair. I found out, confronted him, and he ended it. We went to counseling and started rebuilding. For a while, things were really good again. I thought we were both so happy.
But then, something changed. My husband slipped into depression, and we went through a string of really tough things as a family. My husband seemed to give up. I wasn’t ready to give up, though, so I kept pushing, trying to make things better. But the harder I tried, the more it felt like nothing I did made him happy.
Then one night, he came home, gathered the family, and said he was leaving. No real explanation. I asked if he was having an affair, if he was gay, if there was another woman… anything. He just said, “You can look all you want, but you won’t find anything. I just want to be alone.”
We were devastated. I fell apart. I became deeply depressed and ended up having a breakdown. I was hospitalized and put on medication that made me feel like I was losing my mind.
Meanwhile, he moved out, took the boys with him, kicked out our daughter, and got an apartment. I moved to another town near my family to try to start over. God has healed my body and is still healing my heart.
Later, he kicked the boys out, and one of them came to live with me. My husband told me I could have everything, so I said okay. The church he worked for sent him to counseling, with the hope that we’d go together eventually, but he refused. Then he lost that job. He’s struggling to find work.
And even though everything that’s happened, I still feel bad for him. I still love him. He was my best friend.
We’ve been separated for two years now. He said he wanted a divorce, but he hasn’t done anything about it. I don’t know what he’s waiting for, but I won’t be the one to file.
And through all of it, I’ve never received an explanation from him. Not once.
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