Emotional Affair Self-Assessment

This assessement was adapated and used by permission from the emotional affair self assessment created by Linda MacDonald, author of How To Help Your Spouse Heal from Your Affair.

Author’s Introduction:
What constitutes an emotional affair? Is there really such a thing? What if you feel this person helps “fill the holes” for a spouse who isn’t meeting your emotional needs? Does that make it “ok”? When does a friendship cross the line? Who gets to determine which relationships get the “emotional affair” label? Is it an emotional affair if your spouse feels it is? What about spouses who are overly suspicious and jealous? Is it fair to have to give up a relationship just because it makes your spouse feel insecure?

Rather than answer the above questions to define an emotional affair, I have compiled a list of questions for you to evaluate the degree to which you have wandered into the murky waters of an inappropriate relationship with someone outside your marriage.

Sometimes, involved persons are so emotionally elated and so deep in their rationalizations that they lack sufficient objectivity to determine just how far down the road of emotional infidelity they’ve progressed.

This questionnaire aims to help you recognize the degree to which you may have entered the “danger zone” of a relationship that is a threat to your marriage. The more questions that fit, the more likely you’ve crossed the line from innocent friendship or collegial relationship into emotional affair territory.

Keep in mind that an affair of the heart is more threatening to your marriage (on your side of the equation) than a careless one-night stand or other impersonal sexual involvement.