Awkward Affair Reminders
by Tim Tedder | Articles Index
Photo Credit: louiscrusoe via Compfight cc
At a recent wives' affair recovery group, one woman made the comment, "I never realized how many songs, movies, and TV shows are focused on cheating. I guess I was just blind to it before, but now it seems I can hardly turn on music or go to a movie without having to deal with another reminder of my husband’s affair." The other women in the group agreed, and acknowledged that these unexpected affair reminders often create a moment of embarrassment and tension when they’re with their spouses.
If you're in the process of affair recovery, you probably understand this new sensitivity. Hundreds of these messages previously passed you by almost unnoticed, but now your emotional radar immediately locks on to them. And if you are with your spouse at that moment, chances are (especially if you’re early in the recovery process) you either get very quiet, or lash out in anger, or just feel the need to be alone for a while.
From now on, you will always have a new sensitivity to these media messages. The affair is a permanent part of your story. But here's the good news: as you move through recovery, the sting of the reminder will diminish. In fact, as you heal from the affair these reminders may actually prompt you to move toward your spouse rather than away.
Here’s what it looks like on the other side of recovery: You and your spouse are on the couch, enjoying a movie together. Without warning, the plot takes an awkwardly familiar turn and you recognize the scenes being played out in front of you. You’re watching part of your own story and you feel the pain of it again. But since your marriage has healed, you experience all this in the context of forgiveness and a renewal of trust. Instead of moving away from your spouse, an arm draws you close with a gentle tug to say I’m sorry. But you already know that, so you relax against each other with the assurance that your story has a happier ending.
If you're in the process of affair recovery, you probably understand this new sensitivity. Hundreds of these messages previously passed you by almost unnoticed, but now your emotional radar immediately locks on to them. And if you are with your spouse at that moment, chances are (especially if you’re early in the recovery process) you either get very quiet, or lash out in anger, or just feel the need to be alone for a while.
From now on, you will always have a new sensitivity to these media messages. The affair is a permanent part of your story. But here's the good news: as you move through recovery, the sting of the reminder will diminish. In fact, as you heal from the affair these reminders may actually prompt you to move toward your spouse rather than away.
Here’s what it looks like on the other side of recovery: You and your spouse are on the couch, enjoying a movie together. Without warning, the plot takes an awkwardly familiar turn and you recognize the scenes being played out in front of you. You’re watching part of your own story and you feel the pain of it again. But since your marriage has healed, you experience all this in the context of forgiveness and a renewal of trust. Instead of moving away from your spouse, an arm draws you close with a gentle tug to say I’m sorry. But you already know that, so you relax against each other with the assurance that your story has a happier ending.
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