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Will my spouse ever forgive me?

I don't know. I hope they will, not just for your sake, but for theirs as well. It will be more difficult for both of you to move on if forgiveness is not given. And without forgiveness, your marriage has no hope of flourishing.

But forgiveness is a gift. You can ask for it; you can hope for it; you can work hard to make amends... but you cannot demand forgiveness.

What your spouse needs from you:
  1. Time to work through their anger and grief. Your spouse will need to do this before he/she is ready to deal with the issue of forgiveness. At minimum, this will take weeks. More likely, it will take months. And don't be surprised if your spouse offers a quick "I forgive you" at the beginning of the process, but then seems to back away once the initial shock wears off. This is normal. In fact, it's healthy. The forgiveness they offer you after they deal honestly and completely with the affair will be more genuine and valuable than forgiveness that is too quickly given.
  2. Evidence that you have sincerely taken responsibility for the wrong that was done. Your spouse needs more than just an "I'm sorry, now let's move on" from you. You will need to continue "acting in apology" toward him/her while they heal. Don't expect to live in the doghouse forever, but you may be in-and-out of it for a while.
  3. Empathy. You need to work hard at trying to understand the emotional damage caused by your affair. During the weeks/months it takes for your spouse to deal with this hurt, your ongoing empathetic responses will, more than anything, encourage their move toward complete forgiveness.
Sometimes, the betrayed spouse gets stuck in their pain. Months later, they continue to ruminate--focussed on the past, unable to move forward. Unless they get help, bitterness will likely set in and the marriage will have little chance of survival.
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