The Smell of Safety: Small Triggers Matter
From a collection of online commenters describing “the thing I didn’t expect to talk about in therapy” moments.
They were only a few sessions into couples counseling, still in that fragile stage where every question felt loaded and every silence felt like it might tip them over. The therapist had asked them both to come prepared with “three things you need in order to feel safe again.” It sounded simple enough on paper.
The betrayed husband showed up ready. He had rehearsed a tight list about honesty, accountability, and emotional presence. Big things. Important things. The anchor points of healing.
But when the moment came, something else slipped out.
“I need…” he began.
He paused, swallowed, then finished in a voice barely louder than a whisper:
“I need her to stop wearing the perfume she wore when it was happening.”
His wife blinked, surprised. Not defensive—just surprised.
This wasn’t on either of their lists.
He rushed to clarify:
“It’s not a rule. It’s just… every time I smell it, I can’t think straight.”
He looked ashamed to even name it.
Their therapist didn’t flinch.
“Scent is memory,” she said gently. “Sometimes the smallest triggers hold the strongest reactions.”
What the husband wrote later—after his embarrassment passed—was that this ended up being one of the most honest moments they’d had since the betrayal. He wasn’t asking for grand gestures. He wasn’t demanding proof of love or loyalty.
He was naming one real, human thing that hurt.
And his wife heard him.
The next week, she walked into the session wearing a different fragrance. Nothing dramatic—just a quiet change. He noticed immediately. She didn’t point it out, and he didn’t thank her out loud, but something in the room softened. A slight shift, barely visible, but real.
He later joked in an online post, “Forgiveness isn’t a scent, but if it were, it would be lavender.” Not because lavender fixed anything, but because it became a symbol of being cared for.
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