Finding Thanksgiving in the Struggle
Ten days ago, I posted a survey about gratitude. Here’s the response…
When I’ve posted surveys about the struggle of affair recovery, people tend to respond. But during the past ten days, when I asked over a thousand people to tell me one thing they were grateful for in their recovery or growth, only three people responded. (See submissions below.)
I can’t read too much into that. After all, it’s a busy time of the year. But it does make me wonder how hard it is for many to find gratitude when they’re reminded of the struggle they’ve endured.
Gratitude in this season doesn’t ask you to pretend everything is okay. It doesn’t demand that you silence your hurt so you can participate in a family holiday. It invites you, gently, to notice what has survived the fire. Maybe it is your resilience or your longing for truth. Perhaps it’s the fragile hope that something new can emerge from all this brokenness. Gratitude doesn’t compete with grief. It sits beside it, like a quiet friend who doesn’t try to fix anything, just stays close and keeps the cold from settling in quite so deep.
So if your Thanksgiving table looks different this year, if your heart feels different, allow yourself to feel whatever you feel, without trying to correct it or explain it. And if, in the midst of all that, you notice even one small thing that gives you breath or comfort or strength, hold it tenderly. It is enough.
Maybe it’s more than enough.
“I am grateful that in all the pain of my husband’s betrayal and discard, God planted every seed that flowers in my life now. Because of the pain and devastation, I had no choice but to dig deep and rebuild completely. He sent what I needed when I needed it, and today, 10 years later, my life is rich and fulfilling with people I love who love me.”
“[I’m grateful for] learning the importance of setting and maintaining healthy boundaries.”
“I am grateful that I have learned that trust is not freely given. It is earned. I have also learned that your gut is more honest than your spouse; listen to it above all else.”
