Why I Stopped Celebrating My Wedding Anniversary
From a user’s post, reflecting on life after his wife’s affair.
The first wedding anniversary after discovery day was brutal. Mine landed just three months past D-Day, and our marriage therapist had suggested we treat it as a “new beginning.” I honestly tried, but I couldn’t.
In the days leading up to it, the anxiety, the anger, the sadness—they all swelled up. On the actual day, I went to buy a card. I spent more than an hour wandering the aisles, reading line after line of verses that had nothing to do with the reality I was living. There’s no section at Hallmark for “My marriage has imploded, but hey, happy anniversary.”
Finally, I spotted one card with a black cover and plain words inside: “We’ve been through a lot, but we’re still here.” That was the best I could do.
When my wife finally woke up, I gave it to her, then told her I couldn’t celebrate. There was nothing to celebrate. What I felt was rage, grief, and devastation. That marriage was dead, and I had no desire to toast a corpse. So I spent the day drinking on the patio while she stayed in our room. It was awful.
The second anniversary after D-Day was different. We’d come a long way by then. She didn’t even mention the date. No buildup, no pressure. The day before, I finally brought it up. I told her the anger and sadness weren’t as sharp as before, but I still couldn’t celebrate the marriage she had destroyed. She said she understood; that’s why she hadn’t brought it up at all. So we just went about our day like any other, and it was actually… decent.
That’s what I’d tell someone facing this: don’t leave your spouse alone in it. Ask how you can make the day easier. If my wife had disappeared into indifference, it would have screamed, “I don’t want to deal with you.” Her being present, even quietly, told me she cared.
For me, the old anniversary date will always be tainted. I won’t celebrate it again. But I have told my wife I’m open to choosing a new date, one that doesn’t carry pain, and building something different there.
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