I Never Would Have Guessed He’d Cheat
This account was posted by an AH Community member…
“I never would have ever guessed my husband would have an affair. I remember even joking about it years ago when we had heard of someone else's affair. ‘How could anyone even orchestrate that?’
“Well, years later, he certainly did orchestrate it. I stared at that stream of texts that I stumbled upon, trying to understand what they meant. It was like seeing a zebra with an elephant's head. It just didn't make any sense.
“Then, quickly, it did make sense. Oh man, did it ever make sense! I first sat there feeling like I was punched over and over again. What a fool I was!
“We’re coming up on one year since D-Day. We continue to work hard. It is getting better and better. Out with the old and in with the new.”
Commentary by Tim Tedder
Fortunately, most people who think, “My spouse would never do that,” are right. On the whole, most spouses don’t have an affair.
But many do. And it’s not unusual for me to meet with a betrayed partner who, in disbelief, says the same things: “I never thought…”
Even worse, many begin to judge themselves, wondering how they could be so naive—”so stupid”—to have missed the red flags that now seem obvious. But here’s what I try to help them understand: unless they have had previous experience with betrayal, their relationship default is trust. That’s not a bad thing. Trust is the foundation of a secure relationship, so it benefits the bond if we are not on constant high alert around our partner.
That’s why objective observers, who do not share the same intimate relationship with your partner, may notice the signs before you do. The problem was not your lack of adequate suspicion but their lack of commitment to a promise.
So, on the other side of betrayal, you have gained something and lost something. You have gained an awareness that will make it less likely to miss the flags in the future. But you have lost the innocent trust… and I’m sorry for that.
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