Talking with Linda MacDonald about Betrayal and Abandonment

In a recent conversation (see podcast episode 38), I sat down with Linda MacDonald, a longtime marriage and family therapist and the author of a book that addresses a reality many people quietly live with but rarely see named. It’s a conversation worth listening to! Here are some of my thoughts about the interview.

In a recent conversation (see podcast episode 38), I sat down with Linda MacDonald, a longtime marriage and family therapist and the author of a book that addresses a reality many people quietly live with but rarely see named.

Linda’s newest book, Redeeming the Post-Affair Divorce, focuses on what she calls the double trauma of being both betrayed and abandoned. For many, infidelity is followed not by repair, but by divorce, and the emotional impact of that combination is often misunderstood, minimized, or rushed past.

What stood out most in our conversation was Linda’s clarity around how different this loss is. Infidelity that ends in divorce isn’t just grief; it’s ambiguous grief. There’s no funeral, no shared ritual, no socially recognized way to mourn what was lost. Instead, there’s a stolen past, a disrupted present, and a future that suddenly disappears. Children are pulled into loyalty binds. Identity and self-worth take a hit. And the pain can linger far longer than people expect.

Linda shared openly from her own story, including the depth of despair she experienced after her divorce and the isolation she felt when her loss didn’t fit neatly into the categories people know how to respond to. That honesty gives her work weight. This isn’t theory. It’s lived.

We also talked about what actually helps. Linda described learning to grieve specifically, not just generally—naming individual losses instead of carrying a constant, unnamed ache. She spoke about the importance of having witnesses to your pain, whether through journaling, support groups, or trusted companions who can hold your story without trying to fix it.

Faith played a central role in Linda’s healing, though not in a neat or easy way. She spoke candidly about wrestling with God, questioning everything she believed, and eventually discovering a deeper, more honest spirituality on the other side of that struggle. One of her most striking insights was this: after betrayal, she needed an attachment that was faithful and true. For her, that became the grounding force that made healing possible.

We also explored the need for deeper work in recovery, whether or not a relationship survives. Healing doesn’t come from surface solutions alone. It requires facing shame, hidden wounds, unresolved trauma, and what I often refer to as the “secret basement” places we’d rather avoid. Without that work, even repaired relationships tend to remain emotionally thin and fragile.

This conversation is especially important for those who feel overlooked in the affair-recovery world—people who didn’t get a reconciliation story, but still want a redemptive one. Linda’s message is clear: there is life after betrayal. Healing is possible. Growth is possible. And redemption doesn’t require pretending the loss wasn’t real.