The One I Hurt Most Loved Me Most
Here’s an interesting perspective, shared by a user and used with permission, from an unfaithful husband writing about what he learned about himself, and about what true, healthy love looks like.
When my wife threw me out, I went to stay with my parents. They accepted me and gave me a place to sleep on their couch.
I hated being there, 40 years old, sleeping on my parents’ couch. What have I come to?!
Anyway, I have been searching for the origin of my past behavior patterns: anger, resentment, lying, and acting out to meet my needs secretly. My little visit home was an eye-opener.
The second night I was there, I decided that it wasn’t right that my parents saw me as a victim thrown out of the house by his vengeful wife. So, to set the record straight, I told my parents about my whole infidelity timeline. I wanted to let them know their son was no Boy Scout. I deserved what I was getting.
The response was odd. My father encouraged me to conceal anything I had not disclosed. "Just turn over a new leaf and never speak of it again". My mother wanted to know what she had done to make me this way. Then both of them started to attack me and my wife for not letting them see our children enough.
They even suggested that if I expected their help with any legal fees in a divorce, then they wanted quid pro quo with the grandkids.
It was in that moment, at the lowest point of my life, that I needed their love and acceptance. I wanted them to say, "That is a terrible thing you've done. We don't condone it, but we're your parents. We love you. How can we help you?" Instead, I got their anger and resentment.
They even encouraged me to lie some more!
As all that was happening, I texted my wife. I let her know what they were saying and that I'd be finding somewhere else to stay that night.
She called me right away. She invited me home. In her pain, she still had the capacity to offer me empathy and support. Her loving act in that moment made me realize something vital: She is the only person ever in my life to ever offer me that kind of selfless, unconditional love and support.
My wife is my angel. She is a treasure that I do not want to lose!
Until recently, I was incapable of loving her back that way. I was angry, resentful, and deceitful. All the things I have been taught from a young age. But I see things differently now.
She is my example. I want to be better just to be worthy of her. Good God, I love her. How could I not see it before?
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