Review: Runaway Husbands
Reviewed by Tim Tedder
Summary
Runaway Husbands: The Abandoned Wife's Guide to Recovery and Renewal by family therapist Vikki Stark offers a compassionate roadmap for women blindsided by Wife Abandonment Syndrome—when a husband unexpectedly leaves what seemed like a stable marriage and then blames his partner for the collapse. Drawing from both personal experience and professional insight, Stark validates the shock and grief that follows such abandonment and gently guides readers toward healing and renewal.
This Revised and Updated edition expands on the original with three powerful new chapters exploring the impact of covert narcissism, the strain on father/adult child relationships, and the challenges of co-parenting with an abandoning ex. With empathy and clarity, Stark continues to offer hope and empowerment to those navigating this painful and disorienting journey.
Review
I was first made aware of this book when a client told me how helpful it had been in helping her navigate the aftermath of her husband’s departure from their marriage to be with his affair partner. If you are a wife who is experiencing a husband who has become completely disengaged and left your relationship (physically or emotionally), you’ll likely find this book to be an invaluable guide.
Quotes
“I was completely traumatized. My body was thrown into an uproar; the emotional pain was physical and almost unbearable. My mind jammed as I struggled to redefine the happily married reality that had been a fact of my life for decades, and integrate a new vision of my husband. It was as if he were a hologram. His face looked familiar, but the man standing before me was in reality a stranger.”
“Wife Abandonment Syndrome is a pattern of behavior that begins when a husband leaves his wife out-of-the-blue without ever having told her that he was unhappy or thinking of leaving. Following his dramatic revelation, he replaces the tenderness he’d typically shown her with anger and aggression.”
“The crisis of abandonment is first and foremost a crisis of identity. Much of what you took as a “given” about yourself and your world has been thrown into question. Feeling loved by your husband gave you a sense of self-worth as you saw yourself reflected in his appreciative eyes. When he rejected you, your first reaction, rather than anger at him, was probably to feel badly about yourself…”
“Two things can happen to the husband who is thinking of leaving when the couple spends time apart. Either he experiences the relief of not having to fake an ill-fitting role anymore, or he has a chance to try out the reality of his future life with his girlfriend. Either way, a separation often acts as a dress rehearsal for the real thing.”
“Women who have been abandoned learned a lot about healthy relationships that women in long-term marriages may not know.”
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