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How could this affair have happened? Can I ever trust my spouse again? Is my marriage worth saving? How can I be married to someone I am no longer in love with? What did I do wrong? Should I forgive? When will the pain go away? Do we stay together for the sake of the children?
I've worked with hundreds of couples who are trying to find their way through the confusion of an affair, and here are a few things I know for certain...
Affairs change relationships. On the other side of an affair, people experience shifts in how they relate to their spouse, their lover, their children, their family, their friends. Affairs that become public tend to impact numerous relationships; private affairs may affect fewer, but still in significant ways. Affairs change individuals. Nobody goes through an affair without being changed. An affair often touches all the participants in the deepest part of their being, especially if there has been strong emotional involvement. If you are connected to an affair, you can expect your life to be altered. Your change after an affair can be for better, not worse. This is the good news. Your marriage can end up stronger on the other side of affair recovery. You and your spouse can find yourselves closer than you have ever been, moving in a pattern of growing intimacy that lasts your lifetime; not only surviving, but thriving together. And if your marriage doesn't survive the affair? You can still find your way toward a greater experience of grace and wholeness. I'm not trying to make recovery sound easy; it's not. It's quite difficult, but it is not hopeless. The resources on this site and the counseling that is offered are provided to help you find your way to something better. -Tim Tedder |
Copyright ©2009-2020, Tim Tedder, LMHC, NCC & contributing authors. Content on this site cannot be used or reproduced without permission. AffairHealing.com is a resource of Currents Counseling Services, LLC.