Interview with Annika

Note: This is a follow-up interview to Annika's Story.

Tim: Did you go to counseling after your affair, either together or as a couple?

Annika: I chose not to pursue that route because I chose to not tell the full extent of the affair (for reasons given below). I was fearful a therapist would see right through the lie and if he didn't I would have to continue lying.

Tim: You decided not to tell your husband about the extent of your affair. Why?

“It is ALL so beautiful at the beginning it can truly compromise everything you feel, think and do.”

Annika: I chose not to tell my husband the full extent of the affair for two reasons; neither, I assure you, are noble. The first reason was fear. I had so much to lose: his respect, the respect of my friends and family who always knew me to be of pristine reputation, and the respect of my children particularly my sons.
 
The second reason was I did not want to cause more damage. I felt, probably wrongly, that it was my burden to bear, I had this notion that telling him everything would rob him of healing quickly and that my punishment would be to keep this secret to the end. I felt that telling was like taking the weight off me and giving it to him. I never wanted to hurt anyone and certainly didn't want to cause myself or my husband or my immediate circle any more pain that had already been realized.

Tim: What have been the benefits of that choice? Any costs?

Annika: The benefits of that choice are few. The sole benefit I can think of is that I didn't cause any more damage. The costs are many. When I decided that mum was the word, I essentially robbed myself of true healing. I've kept a lie in my marriage and the burden of my affair will be with me forever.

Tim: What's the main thing you'd have to say to a woman who is on the verge of an affair? To a woman who's absorbed in one?

Annika: The main things I would say to women either considering an affair or already in one are this...for every soaring high you experience there will be a crushing low. It is ALL so beautiful at the beginning it can truly compromise everything you feel, think and do. If you are unhappy in your marriage find the root and fix it the right way either through counseling or ending the marriage.