The raw statistics show that most marriages will not recover from an affair. So how can you beat the odds? Let me identify 3 steps I believe are crucial for any couple hoping for a successful outcome...
At a recent wives' affair recovery group, one woman made the comment, "I never realized how many songs, movies, and TV shows are focused on cheating. I guess I was just blind to it before, but now it seems I can hardly turn on music or go to a movie without having to deal with another reminder of my husband’s affair." The other women in the group agreed, and acknowledged that these unexpected affair reminders often create a moment of embarrassment and tension when they’re with their spouses...
Just in this past week of my affair recovery counseling, Facebook has been mentioned nearly every day. Each story was unique, and yet there was a common theme: connections made on the social network blossomed into an affair. So how do you enjoy the benefits of services like Facebook while avoiding relationships that cross marriage boundaries? You can avoid social network pitfalls by following these four guidelines...
When a partner has been betrayed and carries the wound of an affair, they long for the spouse to feel their pain and accept responsibility for it. Coming to a place of personal brokenness can be a good thing, providing a new kind of healing for both spouses.
In order for a marriage to survive an affair, the affair spouse's commitment to the marriage must, at some point, become consistently evident.
People are often confused by their reactions to a spouse's affair. In that confusion, it is natural to wonder if the choices they're making are born out of strength or out of weakness. And the contradictory opinions of the people around them just add to the perplexity.
There often is a tension between what the cheating spouse and betrayed spouse want following the uncovering of an affair. Even if they both desire to stay in the marriage, the cheating spouse wants to move quickly toward "let's put the past behind us and move forward" while the betrayed spouse wants plenty of time to "prove to me that you can really be trusted now." Requiring accountability does produce resentment. But no accountability often leaves the betrayed spouse feeling insecure, stuck in an inability to move toward forgiveness and trust. Given this dilemma, should there be an expectation of accountability following an affair?
Isn't this risk an inherent part of any significant relationship in our lives? We risk hurts and disappointments every time we choose to love. I would suggest, in fact, that the less you are willing to be vulnerable in those risks, the less you are able to experience genuine intimacy.
Used with her permission, the following was written by one of my clients who recently discovered her husband's affair. As she tries to make sense of it all, this is the analogy that came to her mind...
Change is hard! I was reminded of this earlier today when I spoke with a friend who has been fighting his addictions for years. And I see the struggle each day as I counsel couples trying to recover from past disappointments or betrayals in their marriage. Sometimes the work of change is so difficult that they wonder if it's realistic to hope for something better...
How far should you go to catch your spouse if you suspect them of cheating? If you suspect an affair and feel the need to take action, consider following these steps...
I received email yesterday from a man who wonders if his marriage will ever recover from his affair. He writes: I had a affair on my wife last summer; she found out in September. She wanted a separation so I have been living in a apartment. We talk all the time and see each other daily. She says she loves me and we hold hands and kiss. But when I push her to get back together, she says she doesn't even want to try...
Share Article