Read Answers for: The One Having an Affair | The Spouse | The Other Man/Woman | Family & Friends
 

After an Affair: Questions & Answers

An affair touches at least three people (even if the third isn't aware of the secret relationship) and often many others. Each individual is affected in unique ways, moving through the experience with his or her perspectives and questions. These pages attempt to answer some of their most common questions.

Questions asked by those who had an affair:

• Should I tell my spouse about my affair even if they may never find out?
• Is it really an affair if it never became sexual?
• My spouse wants to know every detail. How much should I reveal?
• Why should I go back to my marriage if I'm no longer in love with my spouse?
• The feelings for my lover are so intense, how can anyone expect me to get over him/her?
• I'm trying to end the affair, but I keep going back-and-forth between my lover and my spouse. Will I ever be able to make a real commitment one way or the other?
• How long will it take to get over this?
• Will my spouse ever forgive me?
• Will my spouse ever trust me?
• What should I tell my kids?

Questions asked by the spouse:

• I suspect my spouse is cheating, but they deny it. What should I do?
• My spouse has been involved with someone online. It feels like an affair to me but he/she say's I'm taking things too seriously. Am I over-reacting?
• What do I do with my anger?
• My spouse doesn't want to tell me the details. Don't I have the right to know everything?
• Should I talk to the other woman (or other man) to find out more about the affair or to help my own healing process?
• Does my spouse have the right to expect my forgiveness?
• Will I ever be able to trust my spouse again?
• Is my marriage worth saving?
• How long will it take our marriage to heal?
• Should I make my spouse go to counseling?
• Should I have sex with my spouse? Should I be concerned about sexually transmitted diseases?

Questions asked by the other woman or other man:

• He/she says the affair needs to end, but then keeps coming back to me. What should I do?
• I invested a lot in this relationship, but now he/she has gone back to his/her family and I'm left with nothing. I'm still in love. What am I suppose to do?
• I'm not the only one who was at fault in what happened, but it seems like I'm judged more severely. How to deal with what others are thinking/saying about me?

Questions asked by family members and friends:

• I suspect or know that one of my parents is having an affair. What should I do?
• I suspect that my friend's spouse is cheating. Should I tell my friend about my suspicions?
• My friend has just found out about their spouse's affair. What can I do to help?